I spent much of my life with my goblin hidden from me and the rest of the world. I don’t know if I was unaware or if it was a latent development in my life. You see, I once was in love with a mortal. In the beginning, it was good. I was in a position to save this mortal girl from terror. After that, I'm not sure if I thought it was my continued responsibility to be there to protect her or if I truly loved her. Did she love me, or did she mistake gratefulness for love? Either way, we got it wrong. I’m not sure goblins and mortals are compatible for long periods of time. I started hiding from her, at work, in tasks around the house. We both found a lot of reasons not to be together.

One day, my mortal bride came to me in despair. There was a new monster in her life, and it was me. She had found a new protector and would no longer need my services. I was confused, hurt, and alone. You see, there are times in life we tell ourselves and others something so much we believe it. I was so convinced that I was intended to be with a mortal and be their savior that I was blind to what was really happening. What was changing? What was changing in me?

That's when it happened. That's when I realized I was a goblin. A real-life monster. My time with the mortal wore on me. I was slowly shifting into the goblin every day. Then when she called me a monster and ran, I was so shocked I couldn't see it.  I started to escape into the safety of the Underworld, I started to notice changes. One day, I mean the middle, like high noon, windows open, all the lights on. I looked in the mirror and could barely even recognize myself. The transformation was disturbing. I saw for the first time that I was... I really was a monster. The goblin.

The Underworld isn’t just some dark cave filled with fire and brimstone like you might imagine. No, it’s more like a shadow world that mirrors your own, which exists just below reality's surface. You can slip into it without even realizing it. It feels like the real world, but dimmer, colder. The air is heavy, like it’s pressing against your skin, and the colors are muted, like an old, faded photograph. Time stretches there, and the longer you stay, the harder it is to remember what sunlight feels like.

The Underworld isn’t just some dark cave filled with fire and brimstone like you might imagine. No, it’s more like a shadow world that mirrors your own, which exists just below reality's surface. You can slip into it without even realizing it. It feels like the real world, but dimmer, colder. The air is heavy, like it’s pressing against your skin, and the colors are muted, like an old, faded photograph. Time stretches there, and the longer you stay, the harder it is to remember what sunlight feels like.

Goblins can slip between these worlds—human,  the Bright, and the Underworld, without even noticing. It was odd how I, a monster, could still live the life I was living. Every day going to work and hanging out with my friends there was never an issue. The change must have been so slow that coworkers and friends must have never noticed the change in me. Or at least they never said. I started to see the disgust in strangers' eyes whenever I was  in public. I did not plan on embracing being a goblin, I just did.

We make so many little decisions in life, and when you're a goblin, those little decisions can have a major impact. The more time I spent in the Underworld, the more I liked it. The more time I spent in despair in the darkest place of the Underworld, the more I called it my home. Hours turned to days, days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months. It all happens so slowly but faster than you can see the changes. Or at least I could not see them. Eventually, I woke up one day, and the world of mortals didn’t feel like home anymore. The human face I wore was gone.

I spent so much time in the Underworld. I spent so much time as a monster. Soon that was all I knew. The goblin in the darkness. I moved my entire existence into the Underworld. My home, my job, my relationships, but most of all, my consciousness lived in the darkness of the Underworld and began embracing the monster in the dark. It can be so curious how our eyes can adjust, allowing us to get used to the darkness. The Underworld became all I knew, where I stayed locked in the darkness.

I mentioned that goblins have some abilities we share with the fairies. The beauty, charm, and ability to access different planes of existence. Thankfully, fairies and goblins share another truth: we can see each other when the rest of the world only sees humans or monsters.

It was a cold winter in the Underworld. When one day, I saw a strange light. It is hard to explain what it's like to live in the Underworld. There is day and night, sure. There is light and darkness... It's like there is a shade on it all. The dark is far darker, and the lights are far dimmer. So, when I saw this glow, it was extraordinary. I was confused about what it was and where it was coming from. I followed the light's path for hours, days, weeks, and months. I needed to know the source that could bring brilliance to the fog of the Underworld.

I didn’t truly understand what was happening; I was in awe of her brilliance, the mystery, and the magic of the pull toward her. She came into focus, and there she was: blonde hair, brown eyes, such full lips, just the prettiest thing I had ever seen. As we grew closer, she never feared. Looking at me head-on without reservation. I was taken aback; it had been so long since I didn't feel like the person looking at me saw only the goblin.  I might be a monster; I mean, I have feelings too.

I asked her name. Kathleen was her reply. To my goblin ears, this was a one-word song. Her voice was so sweet it instantly spoke healing into me. I wanted to get to know her, but the absence of the darkness was problematic for me. As much as I tried to get to know her, we lived in two different worlds. I could go to the Bright, but not for long and at a great mental cost. I desperately avoided it. She started to visit me in the darkness. She would come to the Underworld to see me. Are you shocked by that? I was. She always encouraged me to visit her in the Bright.

The Underworld had become my sanctuary, a place where I could hide from the world's Brightness and my failures. Kathleen’s light had softened the edges of the darkness, but the shadows still clung to me, always lurking in the corners of my mind, whispering that I would never escape. Can you understand what it was like to be a creature of the Underworld, to feel the pull of the dark places, the comfort of being unseen? Part of me wanted to stay there, hidden, away from the world that had rejected me.

I eventually started surprising her. I would leave my Underworld and surprise her in the Bright. I would show up for a bell ring or two; then, I had to retreat back to the Underworld. It went like that for quite a while. Her visiting me in the Underworld and me occasionally surprising her in the Bright. We fell in love with each other. I was just so afraid to be in the light I asked her to move into the darkness with me. I had feared or maybe hoped the Underworld would bring her closer to me, and I wouldn't have to enter the light ever again. (I am a goblin, after all).

She did just that. Loving me in the darkness just the way I was. Somehow, she never really left the Bright. She loved me for the goblin that was me. She didn’t just accept the monster in me; she loved me, goblin and all. A powerful love, one that’s strong, warm, Bright, and obvious. Have you ever been loved so hard it is uncomfortable? You feel unworthy of what's being freely given to you. Have you ever been afraid of being loved? I was. Although the darkness provided safety. Something undefinable was happening. I wanted to be with her, to be happy with her. I was just too scared of the light.  One day, something changed.

We were standing together in the place where our worlds met, half in the Bright, half in the Underworld. Her warmth was like a beacon, and I could feel it pulling at me, tugging at the pieces of my goblin self. But the deeper I moved into the light, the more the Underworld seemed to tremble around me. I could feel it closing in, like it knew I was slipping away. It wasn’t going to let me go so easily.

And then, I heard it. A low, rumbling sound, like the earth itself was shifting beneath my feet. The Underworld was collapsing, caving in on itself. The walls of shadow that had always kept me safe were now turning against me, ready to swallow me whole. I turned to Kathleen, her face glowing with concern. “I need you,” I said, “Please never leave me,” I whispered, “Marry me; please accept me as the goblin that I am,” I begged. The darkness was coming for me, and I could feel its cold grip tightening around me.

“Yes, of course, yes.” "Stay here," she whispered, her voice soft but firm. "Stay in the light, with me."

I wanted to, how I wanted to. But I could feel the pull of the darkness, stronger than ever. It was calling me back, promising me safety, telling me that I didn’t belong in the Bright. That I did not deserve the light or her love. My feet were frozen, caught between the two worlds. I’d be dragged back into the Underworld forever if I didn't move.

I looked at her, really looked at her. The way her light never faltered, even as the shadows crept closer. She didn’t fear the darkness. At that moment, I realized that the Underworld had been deceiving me all along. It wasn’t the world that rejected me; it was me. I had been hiding from the light because I thought I wasn’t worthy of it. I thought the goblin in me would never be able to stand in the sun's warmth. Kathleen saw something else in me. She didn’t know the goblin I thought I was; she knew and loved me.

The ground beneath me split, a chasm opening between the light and the dark. I could feel the Underworld pulling me, stronger now, like a tidal wave of shadow ready to drag me down. But Kathleen's light, her hand outstretched, waiting for me, loving me, was the lifeline I needed.

I had to decide.

One step. That’s all it would take. One step toward her, into the light. I’m ashamed to tell you. I hesitated. Every muscle in my body tensed, the weight of the goblin inside me pulling me back. I would never have to face the light if I stayed in the Underworld. If I just let go, I would be comfortable and safe back in the Underworld. I could hide forever. Then I would lose her. I would lose everything.