Apple-ly Ever After. 

Ahh, fall, the best time of year for so many reasons. A break from the summer heat, the pace of life taking a small turn towards relaxation, the color of the canopy of trees painting our skyline. And if you’re from Michigan, fall means hayrides, apple cider, doughnuts, and most importantly, apple orchards. I mean, going to your favorite orchard for fresh cider and doughnuts with your love… The total best. Kathleen and I love that as a day date. Truth is, our love started this time of year in an orchard just like that.

I grew up right here in southeast Michigan, where there is an apple orchard around every corner. One October, I had a seasonal job at Jonathan Braeburn Farms. I was trying to raise some money for a new laptop, an HP, or maybe a McIntosh. That’s when it happened. That’s when I had my own Newton moment.

As a seasonal apple picker, I spent all day next to the Pluk-O-Track. Yep, that’s a real thing. See, apples bruise easily, so most apples have to be harvested manually. The Pluk-O at least made the collection part easier. Over at JB’s orchard, we also had a U-pick section for the public. I would rest for lunch along the fence line under the shade of those Northern trees. That’s when I saw her, ooh, that’s when I saw her… I’m talking about Kathleen, my wife. What happened? Does talk of apples make you hungry, or are you Googling Pluk-O-Track?

It was a Saturday; I remember because it was the last day of my first week. I was resting there in the Cortland. Relaxing and resting, almost falling asleep… then over in the U-pick, the sun pushed through the trees to reveal the most beautiful woman. I can tell you all about her, from those white Keds to that golden delicious hair. I knew right then I’d give my Empire to get to know her. Time to muster some courage. That’s the problem with kids these days; they never even try to muster.

I started to dust myself off, but I was a mess. I quickly sprinted to the car to clean up to make sure I was looking good, I mean, I made sure I was Evercrisp. I ran back to where I had last seen her. I had to stop just a bit from her. I mean, I just ran to and from the parking lot. Even young Mike was out of breath. That’s when I noticed she had a friend with her. Oh no! Hard to be smooth with an audience.

Not wanting to miss an opportunity, I returned to mustering and headed for them. After a quick joke about how delicious the apples were (I know, lame, right!), I introduced myself. Then she smiled and said my new favorite word, Kathleen. Her friend was Paula. Paula was okay, she had ginger gold hair. Luckily, I was an insider here at the orchard, so I offered to show them around. Let them see how the apple-smoked sausage was made.

A quick trip inside to show them how we wash and sort the apples. Then to the kitchen for some out-of-the-oven doughnuts. Kathleen had cinnamon sugar, and her friend had a plain. I thought those were just for show. I mean, did you know people like plain doughnuts? IKR. Then we started walking around the orchard. I was looking for a hole to drop her friend in. Not that she was in the way, but how can a Mike pitch woo with spectators?

We headed to the hay mountain for some fun. After helping them climb to the top, it turns out ol’ Paula Red was allergic to hay. She told Kathleen she wanted to leave. Since they came together, there goes my shot with her. Oh no, you don’t karma. I walked them to the car. I even opened Kathleen’s door. The ginger can fend for herself. Before I shut her car door, I asked if I could take her somewhere soon. Yep, just like that. “A duh, can I take you somewhere?”

Okay, well, with just a bit of pity in her eyes and a smile on her face, she asked me, “Where?” A burst of confidence, and I was all like, “Girl, I’ll fly you to Rome, to Fuji, anywhere you want to go.” I may have said it a bit too fast or something because they both said “What?” rather loudly and started laughing. Don’t worry about me though, I recover fast. I asked if she would join me for the Fall Apple Gala tonight. I mean, not tonight, this night, but that night of the Saturday when I was talking to her. I mean, gosh.

I got a hearty “I guess, sure” as she pulled the door shut. She rolled down the window, and we exchanged digits before the attention seeker she brought with her started saying she needed an EpiPen. I mean, some people just can’t let others be happy. With a wave and a “We better go,” she was gone.

You should have seen that Honeycrisp when she picked me up for the Gala. The rest is history. I don’t think she even picked apples that day. At least she picked me. I recently asked her why. I asked her why she even gave me a second look, let alone the first one? I knew she was the apple of my eye when she replied, “I apple-lauded your efforts. You were so a-peel-ing.” I replied, “I apple-solutely love you!”

And we lived apple-ly ever after.